he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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