i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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