We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.