Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear