sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
