why didn't you poke me back
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.