went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE