Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.