he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
