am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
