get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
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you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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