She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
