Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
