i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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