fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
