youre lurking in front of me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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