I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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