You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
