I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you win again, gameday.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
