I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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