The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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