Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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