Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
