I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
