he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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