Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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