I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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