drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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