Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
