Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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