He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
barbara walters just said penis...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
