My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
