I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
