So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
