u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
where does the pee come out of this thing
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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