Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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