i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
