totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
