How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
