youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
