Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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