Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
