Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
