I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
