You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
