We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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