You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
