why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
