Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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