I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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