I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize