Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you had me at cake vodka
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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