I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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