he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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