hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
