ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
