Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
