So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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