I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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