I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
