I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
