he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
