GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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