"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she looked like the before picture.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My liver just had a heart attack.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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