I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
