I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
