I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
