dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
